As most of you know by now, I lost my baby Sunday night. We went to the doctor on Monday and they confirmed that I was having a miscarriage through an ultrasound which showed that my baby had not grown after conception.
As hard as this whole experience has been, I am thankful for so many things. I have found comfort in the Lord and his providence, and the fact that our baby is with God now, singing his praises. I have found comfort in the fact that my miscarriage was not a "difficult" one, meaning I was not far enough along for it to be physically painful, and I'm thankful for the emotional strength of my husband, who has encouraged me and been like a rock for me through this whole thing. At one point he even told me that he wanted to make sure that I knew he was sad and grieving, but that he has his own ways of coming to grips with things, and these involve making sure that I'm ok.
When Bran and I were reading about the causes of miscarriage, we found out that one occurs when the baby is not healthy. It is the body's way of preventing an unhealthy pregnancy and birth. We believe that it is also God's way of protecting our child. He knew that our baby was not developing here on earth so he brought him or her up to heaven where he could care for and protect one of his children. We have faith that our child is with the Lord in a beautified state and will be waiting for us.
Trials like ours make me so thankful for the Moscow community. It was very hard not being near our families (and the difficulty went both ways - us wanting them to be here, and them wanting us to be there), but our Moscow family has been here for us every step of the way. I babysit for the Andersons, a young family who were friends with Bran before we moved out here. They went through a similar experience with their first baby, and were able to relate to our grieving, and also encourage us to look to the future and the blessings God will surely have waiting for us. They now have a beautiful 4 month old named Evangeline. They brought us dinner and fellowshipped with us on Monday night.
Other friends have been just as supportive, bringing meals and flowers and encouragement. I am so thankful for everyone we have gotten to spend time with.
I am doing very well, and can talk about what happened without crying finally. Bran and I both took today off to spend some time together, and to get some actual rest, since Monday, which is usually the one day we both have off, wasn't restful.
Please keep us in your prayers.
Weeping with those who weep....
ReplyDeleteAshley,
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you were raised in a Christian home and the Lord called you to Himself. I cannot imagine going through all this without Him. May the Lord bless and sustain you through this valley of the shadow of death. I also envision your baby whole and looking into the eyes of our Savior in praise and worship.
Thank you, Patty.
ReplyDeleteAshley: When I read your godly words here (and when I watch your life unfold, generally) I'm so very grateful for the sense in which you "go before" the many young women who are watching you. You're modeling so much for them, even (especially!) through this trial. I know that as a mom of daughters, I'm grateful to have them watch the providences of your life unfold and watch the ways you embrace those providences with faith.
ReplyDeletePraying. Hoping. Trusting. With you.